Jon Enters The Nail Salon

“I almost fucked it all up Amber! Phones and telecommunication services were moments away from not becoming a thing,” Jon said with shoulders folded over and an exhausted look on his face as he dragged himself through the door of the nail salon.

“Hey Jon, can’t wait to hear about it, but I’ll be with you in a minute, I’m just finishing up with another client.” Anna Iris said as she delicately laid down the final yellow pedals on top of Sara Linda’s base coat of lavender purple.

The pungent nail polish tickled Jons nostrils, a smell he found comforting due to growing up working in a nail saloon. He went and sat on the comfy teal waiting couch and scrolled through some videos he had been wanting to watch on Tube19 in his HUDlens.

Amber put Sara Linda’s nails under the heating element then goes and interrupts Jons video watching to walk him over to his favorite plush and furry white chair, the 3rd of 5. He snuggled and and daintily guided his feet into the bath to soak.

After Sara Linda nails were completely dry after 59 seconds, she swiped a finger up, and Amber pushed a finger into the air to accept and confirm payment.

After giving Sara Linda a warm goodbye and putting on her last fake smile, she returns to Jon looking equally exhausted.

Finally able to return to her comfortable, normal self, she says, “okay Jon, I’m all yours, what’s this about phones almost not happening. Also, what are phones?”

“Amber, this one was tough, I fucking hate pulling off difficult world changing ideas like this. So much travel, and can you believe this guy wasn’t even a classically trained inventor or egineer?!? All the odds were stacked against this mother fucker, but some magical how, he pulled it off. I mean, obviously with a shit ton of help from me, but still, credit to him. Oh, and phones were the first step in getting us to HUDLenses and NeuralComputers. They allowed people to just speak to one another across far distances using wires! Can you believe that! Wires! Uhhh it was so gross, wires used to be everywhere.”

Jon gagged. We was clearly not a fan of wires.

“So you’re saying people couldn't see each other when they’d video chat? Oh shit, wait! Really quick, before you start can I tell you about what’s going on with Darina and Sheld?”

“Oh my gosh, YES! Please! It’s been agony waiting to hear about if it’s his kid or not.” Jon said as he splashed the water a bit with his feet in excitement.

“Well…. It turns out…”

“Uhhhhhh, come on Amber, out with it!”

“Hahaha, okay, okay, she had the baby and no paternity test was needed, the kid had gills.”

“NO! Get the fuck out!”

“Yup, swear, they instantly knew it wasn’t his.”

“The dad is Samerian! So she was hooking up with the swim instructor, I fucking knew it! No one goes out to drinks with their swim instructor five times unless something else is happening.”

“You called it, Jon, I’ll give you that.”

“So what are they going to do? Are they staying together?”

“I don’t know, they haven’t decided yet, he’s not living at the house right now though.”

“Ahh, you gotta let me know when you find out!”

“I will, I will, don’t you worry that complicated head of yours Jon.

Okay, so go on, how’d you almost doom humanity?”

“Ouch! When you put it that way it sounds so much worse…”

Jon settled in and closed his eyes to relax a minute before recounting a stressful and exhausting story.

We hacked Jons computer and stole his precious collection of ‘Often Unnoticed Moments’

We also had a chat with him about using ‘Password’ as his password...

But you can get access to the files and any new ones he records for just $5 of your currency units a month!

We have to charge for this because we had to pay our best hackers to access them. He wasn’t supposed to have them in the first place, so that’s why we feel justified in acquiring them for you.

The Sales Call

Okay, so I was just playing some Battlefield 3089 on the Playstation 101 game platform when Anna Iris forwarded a sales call through to me.

Ann let me know what she had gathered in her prescreening, it was Melville Bell, Alexander Graham Bell’s dad. I think I met him when I was on a job in Scotland in the mid 1800’s at a party. I was pretty high, I’m pretty sure I told him what I do and forgot to wipe his memory and gave him my card.

…maybe the most important fuck up in human history. I guess I fucked making history, before I almost fucked up history happing the way it was supposed to.

“Jon, you’re an idiot,” Amber chimed in contemptuously.

Hey! I believe it was Thomas Edison, who’s happens to be a part of this story, who said, “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that it won't work.”

“That quote is not relevant to this situation at all….” Amber refuted with a contemptuous glare.

Shut up, everything worked out how it was supposed to! Anyhow…. Anna Iris puts me through to Melville.

“Hello Melville, good to hear from you my friend! Been to any good parties lately?”

“Hey Jon! No no, I have to work, I have children and a wife to support now. Actually, it’s my family I’m calling about.”

“Oh yes, yes, of course, how might I be able to be of assistance in helping you help this lovely new family of yours?”

“Well, it’s about my son Alec, I can tell the boy is brilliant, and he has a knack for sound and elocution, he’s also just so inventive, you should see the stuff he tinkers with when he’s not studying or playing with his brothers. It was upon seeing the boys complete this fake head that I just couldn’t get what you said out of my head, don’t worry I haven’t told anyone, they’d probably call me crazy if I did, but do you think you could make sure my son is well off? I worry about him making it in this world, it can be tough for clever boys like him. But, I believe in him and if I had the opportunity to secure him a solid future, even it meant sacrificing my soul, if I didn’t take it without hesitation, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

”Melville, I appreciate what you want to do for your kid and family, you’re truly a good man, there aren’t many of those in any time period. I can help you, but I have to let you know, it will come at a cost, and you’re going to have to help, which means doing some things you’re very uncomfortable doing. Think you can handle that?”

“What are we talking here?” Melville whispered. “Murder?“

“Who are you whispering to? No, no murder, just some financial things, and sometimes not giving him the support you would otherwise would want to give him.”

“By a hair's breadth! Okay, yes I think I can defiantly do that.”

“My man! Alright, so here’s how this works, we’re going to give you a few ideas to pick from, each of various Charge Values, aka, the amount of impact it has on this historical timeline. So the payment we take isn’t in the form of money, it will be Alec’s recorded experiences.

I’ll insert nano bots, we call NanoCams into his head to record his thoughts, emotions, and everything he sees, hears, and senses. Don’t worry, they are non-invasive and will cause him no harm. I will have to retrieve the NanoCams at a later date in history to collect the recordings.”

“Nono-bots? Whats a nano, and what’s a bot, and what’s a cam?” Melville asks with a very sharp increase in tone at the end of his sentence.

“Oh duh, I’m sorry,”

dealing with anyone before the 1980’s is hard for them, tech-talk wise.

“Hmmm, shit. We’ll, it’s kind of like a really well written book, but with parts of your sons life and someone can see it all.”

Is what I told him.

“Ohhh, okay…. I still don’t get it.”

“Yeah… and you probably never will, so just trust me that it’s all good, and your sons future is secure!”

“You got it fancy future man.”

“Ha! I do consider myself quite fancy, it’s why I wear a suit. Anyhow, Anna Iris has come up with a few ideas from our data base.”

“Database?”

“Yes database, let’s umm, not worry about words you don’t know for now, if you need any clarifications after this call you can stay on the line with Anna and she can help clear up anything you’re confused about, sound good?”

“Okay yeah, that would be great!”

“So remember, you can’t do anything with any information you are receiving from me, I mean, if you could understand it of course. Along with that you can never tell Alec about our deal or any discussions we have, at least until after the idea has successfully come to life.

If you don’t think you can do that, then we can deploy NanoMems to erase the memories of this discussion.

Now, if it does slip the deal is off, and we’ll wipe everyones memory, reset everything, and sell the idea to someone else.

Understood?

“Yes, I can keep a secret Jon.”

“Okay awesome so here’s what Anna Iris has come up with…

We can give him the idea for the hearing aid when he turns 70, which would cost 1.2 million CV (Charge Value).

In return, we would get to record.

• The Spark even of Alec coming up with the idea for the Telephone, and 4 months prior to and after the spark event.

• Recordings of any acclaim he gets.

• 1 sex scene.

Your second option is he can come up with the idea for the telephone, and subsequently telecommunications. This idea changes the course of humanity forever, it’s expensive, and it’s costly, BUT! Alec will be solidified in history forever and will receive wealth, power, and acclaim amongst his peers.

What we get to record is:

• The Spark Event of Alec conceiving of the idea along with 1 year before and after.

• They get the moment of Alexander Graham Bell saying the first words as well as speaking and singing into the first telephone.

• Another moment they want is when Bell goes through applying for the patent and all the drama that happens with that.

• Any awards he receives there after.

• Any sex he has when the NanoCams are installed.

• And lastly, Alec successfully setting a new speed record with the design of his propeller.

“I’ll go with the, what is it, telephone? I know how much everyone’s talking about the new telegraph, I read in the paper how it’s been such a game changer on the battle field, so if anything is a sure thing, it’s that.”

“Boy is it.”

“What?”

”Nothing, nothing, you’ve made a great choice Melville, really, you have. I’ll get right to work on it! I’m going to hand you off to Anna Iris to answer any more questions and get a few verbal signatures. She’ll also schedule a time for me to come and give you your mission in person.”

“Thank you so much Jon, I’ll never be able to repay you for this kindness.”

“Not a problem, happy to help Melville! See you soon my friend.” I said, and then Anna Iris hung up my line and finished up with him.

Sometimes I really hate it when they thank me that much, but this time was different, this one would be difficult, and fuck, require so much god damn travel. So the thanks was appreciated. It was good I had my second office in London, otherwise this job would have taken 10x as long.

Back in the salon…

“Amber, people like it when I call it a mission, it makes them feel so covert, secretive, and special. Which… I guess they are, since I’ve been doing this for so long I forget how abnormal my job is. Even today.”

Continue reading Part 2…

Comeback next week for part 2 of 6 of Alexander Graham bell getting the idea for the telephone. Alec’s deaf mom get’s to hear again!